By the time my wedding day arrived, I’d already mentally played the big day a bazillion times in my mind; with my imagination zooming in on all the meticulous details. I remember scowling at my husband (then fiancé) for telling me that obsessing over infinitesimal things like photoshoot poses and wedding cake flavour will turn me into a bridezilla (was I one though? I never asked :P). But that’s the thing with a bride. In the lead up to the wedding day, there is not only love and happiness in the air but also jitters, anxiety, hype, confusion and drama. When all this hits you, the bride, at a frenetic pace, you experience a whirlwind of thoughts hovering within you. Which is completely normal, to be honest. And that’s exactly what we are going to deconstruct today through excerpts from a bride’s diary:
A month to the wedding day
In exactly x days, I will walk down the aisle to the man of my dreams
Countdowns always excite me! But this is a countdown like no other! I think even if I forget my own birthday this year, I won’t forget to strike up days on my calendar all the way up to the wedding day.
Gliding from Ms. to Mrs.
I will not only be gliding down the aisle but also from Ms. to Mrs! When I filled a form today and ticked “Ms.” I lingered my gaze at “Mrs.” slightly more than usual and felt a little bizarre. Shit, am I really getting married? Mrs Mahima? Um, doesn’t it sound a little weird? That’s not how they’d actually call me, is it? The Mrs. would be succeeded by my fiance’s last name. Dang, how is this patriarchal tradition still around?
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How do these people manage to look so perfect?
Every time I look at Pinterest’s ethereal brides and their immaculate grooms I can’t help but wonder how such flawless pictures are clicked. The more I Google “How to have the perfect wedding” the more I get anxious. What if I choose that exact moment to blink or sneeze or even let out an unearthly guffaw at someone’s quippy remarks? Or what if I take my mum’s advice seriously and try to act all sombre and serious but end up looking constipated? That would be it! My perfect wedding picture would be sabotaged! I already picture a cheeky friend commenting to another about how I ruined my own wedding picture and laughing about it. Nope, this is not happening!
How am I supposed to fit into this dress when everyone’s feeding me left, right and centre?
The best part of being a bride is all the TLCs that you get from near and dear ones, especially in the form of sweet treats. Gorging it all down is a guilty pleasure but I can sense the white gown glaring at me from my wardrobe across the room. As much as I’m trying to avoid those stares during this hog-fest, it is beginning to take me on a guilt trip. Especially when I think of how I got the fitting right after four trying rounds of trial sessions.
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Few days before the wedding
My dear room, it is you that I will miss!
Love, marriage, homesickness. Is that how the sequence goes? These days when I wake up, I lie lazily in bed for a good ten minutes feeling my bed sheet and pillows for no apparent reason. I stare at the Powerpuff Girl blanket that I still use and snuggle under it. Today, my sight fell on all my favourite celebrity posters adorning the wall. It then dawned on me that in a week’s time, waking up is probably gonna never be the same again. Are my parents going to convert this into a guest room? No way!
I am not going anywhere!
During a casual conversation today, my nine-year-old cousin burst into tears. I asked her what the matter was and she said that she is sad that I’m “leaving”. As it is she only sees me like thrice a year, and I’m not sure why she’d think that marriage would prevent me from meeting her just as frequently. For heaven’s sake, I’m only getting married, not setting off for a fricking battle. Except…
…What if my in-laws turn out to be weirdos?
And I actually end up in the middle of a battle? What if all the exterior sugarcoats are mere facades and they are actually manipulative bozos who have nothing to do but poke their noses in our business? What if they are a pair of drama queen and king who blow things out of proportion and make my life miserable if things don’t go their way? Actually no, if they are anything like that by now I would have sensed it. Nah, this is just me overthinking as usual, right? Okay, let me call my fiancé, maybe he can quell my fears about ‘aunty’ and ‘uncle’. Oh, I mean ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’; that’s what I’m supposed to call them I guess? Um, weird again! Do I start calling them that right away or wait till the wedding?
Day of the wedding
I should have gone to bed early last night
Now I’m all bleary-eyed and my make-up artist will arrive any minute. Before the next passing person in the house makes a comment about me not looking like a “glowing bride”, I need to get to the washroom. See, this is why I never wanted an early afternoon wedding!
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Whoa, this dress is so heavy!
At this moment, I’m filled with newfound awe for all the brides who had made it to the culmination of their wedding without complaining about the weight of their dress or the length of their trail. Here I am walking towards the venue and…ah, there’s my man, the man who promised to love me even when I’m old and grey! Wait, why is he looking at me like that? He’s supposed to look at me adoringly in slow-mo and not with this perplexing expression that reads (at least to me) “I hope you do not trip and fall in that dress”! Nooo, this isn’t how it is supposed to work!
Um, who are all these people?
Goes my mind as a new set of people join us on stage for a click. Needless to say, the first question they ask me is “Mole enne manassilayo”, to which I go, “Pinnille” wondering deep down if they belong to my mum’s side or dad’s side. My mind mentally also calculates the probability of them bringing up an embarrassing story of baby me to my fiancé. Ah, no, my husband; now that we’re officially married!
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I’m SO hungry
I don’t know why nobody ever told me this. But I really needed to have more than a slice of bread in the morning. By the time the rituals were over, my tummy began grumbling. And now I’m ravenous but the guests approaching us show no signs of slowing down. In fact, I can see a number of families holding neatly wrapped gift boxes still queuing up. The most energy-consuming bit of it all is standing on the stage with a smile permanently plastered onto my face. Oh, those were the last set of guests? Thank goodness, finally we can unscrew our smiles and dig into some grub. I hope the photographers don’t click when I’m sinking my teeth into food.
I think I’m gonna miss being the bride
Now that we’ve tied the knot, I think I’m gonna kinda miss being a bride. I mean, of course, I’m definitely not gonna miss stressing over the wedding venue or finalising the guest list. But at this moment, I get a fleeting bout of the wistfulness about how all the anticipation and excitement of getting married is finally done and dusted. Days of planning, being the centre of attention, going on shopping sprees, exchanging sweet-nothings with my fiancé over calls and texts, getting pampered, having a gala time with the bridesmaids – oh man, is this what they call the post-wedding blues?
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So, ex-brides and brides-to-be, spill your crazy thoughts in the comment section!