Milestones In The Life Of A Malayali

While this article may look like an elaboration of DQ’s famous dialogue from Bangalore days, it is worth giving it a read. The following headings that are coming your way are chapters out of your own life. Indulge and enjoy the milestones in the life of a Malayali.

The Beginning

Your story began way before you were born.

Since the time you were the size of an ‘unakk munthiri’, your family has already decided your skin colour, the hair on your head, and for some highly enthusiastic folks out there, even the time you would come out of the womb (decided by an astrologer, a character whom you will meet in later stages of life).

Milestones In The Life Of A Malayali

Your mother was probably encouraged to eat more of maanga and pazham and less of sapota or chikku because ‘koch angaanam sapottede color lu aayaalo!’ Weird but true.

And hey, when you came out, it was so rightful of you to cry because….I don’t even have to complete that sentence. 

Picha picha and all is nice, but make it fast

You start getting compared to your ‘peers’ in your toddler days. Not school.

You were scrutinized because you did not take your first steps soon enough as apparthe veetile koch. Your hands and feet did not grow as much as they should have according to what your velyammumma thought it should. You disappointed them even before you got to school or college. And in case you are being told that you aren’t keeping up with the pace of a ‘normal’ life, you should have started those first steps earlier buddy.

Milestones In The Life Of A Malayali

School- Not so cool

“Classile top mark ethraya?”, “Arts il first vaangeet entha kaaryam?”, “Baaki rand mark evde poy?”, “Raghav ne kand padikk, cricket kalim kond nadanno ni!” 

You were constantly compared with some child who got more marks than you, who came back home in a cleaner state than you ever did, who chose to study instead of coming to school picnics and most importantly, who never got called to the principal’s office (except to receive the best student award). You were expected to take Science or Computer Science because Commerce or Humanities was not going to put enough puttu on your plate!

Also Read: 8 Exciting Reasons To Date A Malayali

Milestones In The Life Of A Malayali

First ruchi of adult life

The first taste of freedom actually begins at college. These are the days when you weren’t nagged to take a bath or study or eat (not that you needed nagging for that). Most of us were surprised at where we landed because all the brochures we silently collected in the hope of getting into a cool arts college ended up in the ‘virakadupp’. Engineering or Medicine didn’t suck too much, or did it?

Milestones In The Life Of A Malayali

Have joli? Look for jobs in Canada. No joli? Vaazha >> You

You can never ever have a perfect job. Even if you end up as the CEO of Google, there will always be some ammaavan who asks “Google oke eppo pootum enn aaru kandu! Valla govt jolim ezthi edkk kuttye!”

No one is programmed to understand how difficult it is to land a job you care about. It is only about the zeroes at the end of your salary and the brand name you get associated with. And if you have plans to start your own business, may the force be with you.

Kett, kutti and kuttide koodapirappu

Nope. Your life is owned only till you graduate from college (under strict observation, of course). After that, you don’t even have to fret about the rest of your jeevitham. At least, that’s what everyone says. Get married before your expiry date, have kids whether you want them or not, and before the kid gets bored, please produce other offspring. Tadaa!

Also Read: Things Malayalis Do That They Are Clueless About

The End

Once you are finally done running the rat race and are finally put to rest, then begins the most exciting part of your life (or after-life). The part where all the people who knew you and did not, sing your praises. They just cannot shut up about how you were ‘thani thankam’ and how much you helped them out. After listening to all of that, you’d probably go all awww and want to be born again. Please use the rest of your janmams carefully. Be born as a HIT repellant cockroach or a lizard or anything. All the best.

Have we missed a milestone? Do add on and join in the fun. 

Also read: Are You “Malayali” Enough?

Aashna Praveen
Mostly seen pondering about things around me. Every person I meet, every object I see is a study specimen that I save in my mind log for later. I might end up making you famous, so think twice before you appear before me. *Insert tongue sticking out emoji*

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