I Got Rejected For The Weirdest Reasons During My Matrimonial Experience In Kerala

I recently went through a matrimonial experience while in Kerala and it was a roller coaster ride. You’re right, I got rejected and the reasons were amazing (sarcasm intended). Here’s my story. I know many of you would relate to this so enjoy it:

Our Situation (Unmarried singles in the age group of 23-33):

It’s corona! It’s quarantine! I am back home.

Now what?

Relatives: Avalak entho prasanam und. Ee Februaryil 28thikayum pakshe kalyanam aayit illa. 

Parents: Matrimonialil register cheyanam, ithu patiya time anu. Oru 3 months gold membership eduthu, 6 months ullil evalude kalyanam nadathanam.

And then starts the plot

The plot to get you laid. Well, no, not to get laid, but to find a Sanskari mate for you. This is the best time, there will be a lot of options in the market. Come on, come on, let’s register our daughter on a Kerala Matrimonial site, where you must pay 1000s of rupees to meet people who are already on Facebook, Instagram and let’s not forget Tinder, Aisle, Bumble etc.

Also Read: 8 Exciting Reasons To Date A Malayali 

And then we millennials start browsing for our perfect life partner. Swiping right or left ain’t happening. After all, this is not Tinder; you’ve got to be polite and traditional and send ‘an interest’ to your potential mate along with your parents’ phone number. And then the wait begins. In most cases, the wait never ends, because either you are too good to be rejected or too good to be accepted. So, what happens to you? You stay there, hanging, waiting for that one auspicious day when they will see your true worth.

Finally, after days and days of sending Sanskari interests, you get that one acceptance that you have been waiting for. The eureka moment of seeing that mail of acceptance is equivalent to getting a job interview offer. And then starts the drama – Horoscope, family, background check, history, chemistry, biology, anything, and everything. 

Also Read: Oru Pennu Kannal Kadha

Now let’s come back to our topic of why I have been rejected to date in the famous ‘Arranged Marriage System’. Before we delve into the technical nuances, let’s clear one thing out. The aspects considered in India for an arranged marriage vary based on state, religion, caste and of course gender. I will be listing down a few of such aspects that I have faced being a Malayali hailing from our ‘God’s own Country’. 

Before we go ahead, read this:

  • This is from the point of view of a girl, I am sure the boys in this business would also have faced such issues, but I am only putting forward what I have went through. 
  • This is not to offend or judge anyone. Who am I to judge, we all are equally flawed.
  • Read it with an open mind and people with a revolutionary mindset, stay away. I will not counter or say anything more than what I am going to write below.
  • Using some Malayalam terms to bring out the flavors of Kerala to spice up those Malayali tastebuds.
  • These are predominantly reasons why I got rejected by the boy’s parents. Somehow, I have never come across a boy doing his own arranged marriage search on his own terms.
  • Say ‘No’ to generalization and I strictly follow that policy for everything being mentioned in this article.

So here we go:

  • Jadakam (Horoscope): Looks like all the boys out there has done a good deed and have a pure horoscope (Suddha Jadakam). Me, being a sinner, ended up with some dosham. So unfortunately, for most of my matches, my horoscope predicts that I would dominate him, and of course, astrology is a fact and is 100% true (Hail the Budhan, Sukran, Thinkal, Velli and whatever). Our planets are mismatched bro!
  • Height: I am only 5’2, I guess I should have had some Boost and Horlicks as a kid. Unfortunately, my growth is stunted now, and I don’t think I would be capable to pluck fresh mangoes for my hubby.
  • BTech: Ayyayo, what stupid girl is this, she did BCom. You are from Kerala, if you are not an engineer or doctor, you are a loser. And my son cannot marry a loser, afterall, he is an engineer (Standing Applause!)
  • Studied outside Kerala: Shiva, shiva, she studied not only in Bangalore but also in Mumbai. Definitely, she is not a god fearing, home loving and traditional girl. And our son is so paavam, he can’t handle such feminists.
  • Earnings: OMG! How can a girl earning so much? I am sure she is not going to cook for him. Who will feed my baby if she works all the time?
  • Skin color: She is not fair – REJECT! REJECT! We only want a fair, slim and beautiful bride for our Baby Boy. During the dark phases of our son’s life only a ‘Fair & Lovely’ girl can lead the way.

I am not a standup comedian or an activist. But these are a few bitter truths I have analyzed during the Kerala matrimonial rat race. After reading this, I don’t expect 99% of you to like me, but it’s okay, having an opinion is not a crime.

That’s it for today folks. Hope you enjoyed reading about my matrimonial experience in Kerala. Here’s me, signing off from India’s most literate state.


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