“Pyar Dosti Hai” – When Shahrukh Khan made this statement in his hoarse, deep voice in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, none of us questioned this thought. But, it changed our mentality. From believing that love is an overwhelming feeling, we slowly accepted that one can fall for their friend too. But as simple as this concept sounds, it’s not easy.
Being in love with your friend is a blissful scenario. Your friend knows you in and out. No pretensions or creating fake impressions are required. Everything is well, you both fit in like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle.
Now, let’s shatter this imaginary bubble.
What if all that you felt was not reciprocated by the other person? It’s a really sad, confusing and difficult situation. A person going through such a scenario faces lots of questions, let us explore a few of these and see if we can tackle them.
It’s confession Time! Parayano or Parayende?
When one falls for a friend, the first confusion is whether to confess or not. Once you open up, there is no going back. You do not know how the other person would react. What if it affects the friendship? What if it is the end of everything that you both shared to date?
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One can keep on overthinking this and arrive at no conclusion. As people and the nature of relationships differ, there is no ready-made answer to this question. One should analyse the pros and cons of confessing and take a decision accordingly.
From a third-person’s point of view, a general suggestion would be to confess. It is always good to be honest about your feelings. What if like in Niram, your friend is in love with you but just not aware. A step of courage might yield greater happiness, if not at least a closure. It will also help to avoid regret or a ‘What if’ scenario in the future.
Love or friendship?
Since one cannot choose whom to fall in love with, ideally, one should also not have to make a choice between love or friendship. Accept and understand that it is not a cardinal sin to fall in love with your friend. When one spends a long time with a person, it is common for affection and attachment to grow. And on the other hand, it is also equally common for the other person to not reciprocate those feelings.
Carrying on hard feelings or cutting a relationship is not going to benefit both parties. Like in the movie Anandam, Varun exhibited hostility towards Diya because she did not return his feelings. This is a very natural reaction but definitely not a healthy one. When you start feeling such emotions, you should acknowledge them and work towards reducing them. There is no pain that time will not heal.
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Will I be able to continue seeing that person as just a friend?
Change is the only thing that is permanent. With time, our situations change. It might take you a week or a month or maybe even a year to move on but have faith that one day you will. Life has to go on and one rejection should not deter you in your journey. One day in the future, you might even look back and think that it was good that it did not work out.
In Swapnakoodu, when Deepu (Kunchacko Boban) realised that Kamala (Meera Jasmine) saw him only as a friend, even though hurt, he accepted the inevitable and continued to be her friend. While movies are far from reality, we can still take such examples as inspiration in our life.
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How will I feel if that person finds a significant other?
If you continue to have feelings for that person, this could be a terrible situation. There might be instances where you question yourself and think in lines of: ‘What was it that was missing in you?’ or ‘Why her, why not me?’. Again these are very natural reactions and totally justifiable to feel these. But make yourself understand that a comparison is not required. It was never a choice between you or that person. Your friend just never felt it towards you. Sounds harsh but true.
Though love is always portrayed as some major emotion that is generated straight from the heart. It might help you to accept that love is just a chemical reaction in your brain. It was neither your nor your friend’s issue, it was all a game of hormones.
Remember how in Chandralekha, Chandra (Sukanya) develops feelings for Appukuttan (Mohanlal) who merely acts as a friend to help her recover from her car accident. Once she knows that Appukuttan in fact likes Lekha (Pooja Batra), she decides to unite them. Some might call this sacrifice or selflessness but it is actually the only act that could be done. Neither can you force feelings from someone nor will it do any good to get someone who doesn’t love you.
So plaster on a smile and bless them good luck.
No words of reassurance can heal your pain. But being aware of the different possibilities you can navigate to heal. Being a Devadas and wallowing in misery is definitely not a long term solution. You should grieve, let it all out, maybe even stay away from your friend but after all this, you should ensure to emerge stronger. Do not let the chemicals in your brain get the better of you.
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