Many a time, you walk into the movie theatre and you settle down. You eagerly wait as the light pops on the big screen. And all of a sudden, you find yourself sitting next to a stereotype. And your heart sinks. You pray that they wouldn’t create a dent in your cinema viewing experience, but you have a feeling that your prayers are not going to be answered this time. You know who I’m talking about. These “stereotypes” are a staple on almost every Housefull show I’ve ever been in. They are the most memorable because more often than not, they are the annoying ones. They’re loud, obnoxious, careless, or a combination of the three. Let’s take a look at the types of people you’ll see at the movie theatre who are easily recognizable and equally irritating.
Alright, you know how it is. Outside food is not allowed in the theatre premises. The security at the door would frisk you, and check your bags at the door for this precise reason. They wouldn’t even let in a bottle of water. Which is where these creative smugglers ace at what they do. They carry in different kinds of food and take pride in eating them throughout the length of the movie. While I enjoy the moral victory they secured against corporate capitalism, the constant munching that shuts out most of the dialogues is a bit much.
The smugglers conveniently ignore most of the movie and are found to gorge on something every 10 minutes. The most annoying thing is that many of them are incredibly noisy while eating especially when you decide to have a 2-course lunch in the middle of the movie. It gets highly irritating to concentrate on the movie with the sight, smell, and sound of food, doesn’t it?
Every time I’m in the theatre and a family with babies walk in, my anxiety kicks in. Throughout the movie, I’m just waiting for the inevitable.
No offence to any parent, but is it really necessary to bring babies and toddlers to the movies? That too to a packed theatre for the 9 pm-10 pm shows. I am sure you can find a babysitter for a few hours. Well, babies are cute, sure, but it’s irritating to hear them sob like a maniac when the movie has a rather interesting scene. Or when the toddler is running up and down in the dark, slipping, falling, and creating a scene. And the parent just walks in and tries to bargain with the kid to get them to stop crying in the middle of the movie! Of course, it’s worse when the parent does not bother to pacify the kid.
Parents, please understand our plight!
The Risk Takers
So, when you decide to go into 22nd movie of a franchise cold turkey, it’s best you do it after you’re done with 21 that came before. Or at least, do your due research before the movie. Nothing is more annoying than being asked whether Batman and Superman are going to show up in Endgame.
Of course, these are just a sub-sect of people that have trouble following a storyline, which is fine. But when someone constantly asks questions about the simplest scenes, it can be bothersome. People who loudly guess the end of the film are equally annoying. (Ooooh… Prithiviraj alle villain?) If they’re wrong, it’s usually because their theory is so out there that it makes zero sense. If they’re right, they spoiled the movie for you.
The Story Tellers
Anytime you’re at the movies, take a look around when the title card is revealed. You’ll see a bunch in the audience raising their phones to click pictures of the title. You know these people. They’re all over your social media feeds.
As you swipe through the stories you’ve seen these incorrigible nitwits just uploading not just titles, but crucial parts, even spoilers, of the movie that you intended to watch. Apparently this is the only way they can “prove” that they’ve watched the movie. I mean, you could put a picture of your ticket. You could check in on Facebook. No, it has to be like the spoiler alert free uploading spree ScoopWhoop gets on during Game of Thrones, but on cocaine.
The Late Comers
Here’s a bright idea: When the movie says it starts at 5:30 pm, you could arrive at 5:30 pm. Just saying. Stop factoring in all the time for ads, National Anthem, the trailers, the Shwaasakosham Awareness, and titles, and maybe even the first 10 minutes of the movie to calculate your ETA.
Some of us like reading the title cards. Some of us like watching the movie establishing its tone, narrative and storylines. If you say, “So what, those are just the boring part, anyways”, so help me God, I’ll punch your teeth into the back of your throat.
A wild phone starts ringing in the middle of the movie. “Hello?… Yeah… I’m at a movie man… No, I can talk.” The guy then proceeds to give directions on the phone for the next five minutes. Oh, COME ON!
There is a reason why they ask us to switch off or silence our mobile phones. It’s because using them might hinder one’s movie-watching experience. The situation is even worse in horror movies when there is suspense and you are already scared half out of your wit when suddenly someone’s mobile rings and the sound makes you jump. People, please keep your phones on silent during a movie!
The Love Birds
Credit where credit is due. They usually try to stay out of our way and shun themselves into the corner seats. But it becomes bothersome when you’re stuck in the corner seat with them. Of course, the sweet nothings of the early honeymoon phase are an absolute mood-killer when you’re just eagerly waiting to see which cult would Prithviraj be fighting in this movie.
But as the lights go down and the armrests go up, things take a turn for the worse. Even if the dark makes them invisible, you’ll still hear occasional giggles, slurps, and moans. After that, I’d gladly make the sweet nothings my screensaver.
The Fan Boys
Have you ever been to any of Big M’s fan shows? They are a hoot! The atmosphere is like one huge party and it’s so much fun that you’d really need a second watch to fully grasp the movie.
Even when the movie’s bad, you tend to enjoy the atmosphere. But that’s what it’s supposed to be like. You know what you’re in for. But when you hear scattered clapping and hooting when the Big M’s names are shown in the “Thanks Card” in a movie they’re not even a part of, brace yourselves.
They are the almost twitchy jejunes who tend to keep fidgeting around your seat. It could be as simple as shaking legs, to innocent kicks behind your seat, to the full-on passive-aggressive battle for the armrest. Let me put that to rest right here, right now: It’s always the right armrest that’s yours.
And of course,
Now, this is something that hits close to home. You’d be surprised to know there still exists individuals who reach the theatre before anyone else and spends time reading up and researching the movie. If that is not enough, they will try to exhibit their unrivalled knowledge to the first person who sits beside them. Not just before the movie, but during it too, they cannot survive without showing off their incredible intelligence.
“Oh that shot’s not composed properly”
“Hey, that subject’s out of focus there”
“I can direct a movie better than this!”
Talk about annoying! This is probably why no one comes to watch movies with you, Shahbaz!
Ahem, it seems like I might’ve gotten a little too personal there. Now, of course, they wouldn’t even be able to buy food or water because they have at least 6 more movies to watch that month. So, all the best sitting through the movie while people around you munch on nachos and caramel popcorn while slurping cold soda, man!
Of course, these are only some of the pet peeves. I know I’ve missed out the Creepers (who’re just there to catcall and be a complete creep to women), the Screamers (the worst people to watch a horror movie with), the Hyenas (the worst people to watch a comedy with), etc.
Who irritates you most in a movie theatre? Let us know in the comments section.