Rephrasing to be politically correct – “Reasons to be in a loving relationship with a man from the culturally rich state of Kerala: giver of bananas, banana leaves, pazhampori, and Mohanlal.”
The Glory of the Story
A Malayali will have a story up his sleeve for every occasion – be it an ice breaker at a meeting or simply an elaborate pick up line. They imbibe the spirit of Tyrion Lannister’s recent speech, where he declares, “There’s nothing more powerful in the world than a good story.”
Your Mallu boy will have a story for you when you’re high, to celebrate your happiness and when you’re low, to make your monsters go away.
The Wise Eyes
Never underestimate the intellect of a Malayali. I have personally felt the need to dig up my school books and brush up on my literature in order to sound proficient in regular conversation.
Malayalis have an unending capacity for knowledge, even in fields outside their work! Hardcore History is not just an alliteration; it is also a podcast that my boyfriend enjoys listening to while travelling. A Mallu tends to be a walking talking encyclopedia of extremely interesting information that you really won’t regret asking about. If he doesn’t know something about the medicinal properties of canola oil today, you’ll be sure to be lectured about it tomorrow, he might even draw you a diagram.
The biggest upside to this thirst for knowledge is that it’s infectious. Give it a few months and you’ll find yourself listening to StarTalk while driving, not knowing why, but happy to learn.
Drawing, animating, film making, linguistic skills, engineering, nursing, you name it, they have it. Surprisingly, what beats their talent is their passion to do justice to it.
A Mallu is made of passion first, limbs and bones next. They strive to deliver their very best and then strive some more. With this kind of drive, you’re sure to be intimidated but also inspired. It’s a good balance.
It should suffice to say – the sex is feisty, raunchy and most importantly, loving. Mallus do have an enduring reputation for being excellent in bed, and this is a generalisation I can gladly testify to.
Mindless sex, however, is something your friendly neighbourhood Malayali-man isn’t great at. For it to be truly splendid, there must be an emotional connect too.
And over time I’ve learnt that if you find yourself a man respectful of your needs and his own, keep him.
Mallu boys SCORE. They score, they roll and they discuss movies/ have sex/ cut jackfruits.
Malayalis also have an infinite capacity for alcohol. They’ll be 20 shots in, but still be the one dropping everybody home.
The Dude’s always got Food
After the infamous beef ban, I happened to be in a room full of Mallus. The tension in there could cut glass. After a few long and thoughtful drags of ganja, a man with a hefty beard and deep voice proclaimed, “You can take beef away from the Mallu but you can never take a Mallu away from his beef!” If there was to be a rebellion right then, the floor would be bleeding orange.
Mallus love food in general. So if you’re with one, you’ll be treated from time to time, and you’ll be handed a well-made cup of coffee at least thrice a day. Love infused food and coffee – that’s a fulfilling relationship in itself.
This is the only word I’ve learnt in the past year and a half of being with a quintessential Malayali man. It means – enough (not to be confused with ‘matthi’ which is a type of fish).
As humans, we keep striving for more than we have, always unsatisfied, always discontent. In our uncomfortable, topsy turvy lives, finding someone supportive, kind, and willing to stay with us through thick and thin, is just that – mathi, enough.
So go on! Find yourself a Mallu boy, gift him a jackfruit and watch him devour it with love. And then let him devour you.
If you can think of other reasons, do let us know in the comments section below.