Weddings are one of those happy occasions where people get-together, chill and catch up on the latest family gossip. It’s the only type of party where people from all age groups can enjoy themselves. But, over the course of the wedding, some things come into existence, like certain kinds of people you’ll only find looming in and around the vicinity of a wedding.
Their presence makes the wedding more interesting and annoying at times. But, they cannot be ignored. You’ll just have to bear with their doings and pretend to like them and listen to what they have to say. Here are the 10 types of characters you most likely meet during a Kerala wedding
The Kalyana Brokers
Kerala weddings are hunting grounds for prospective brides and grooms. The most common question that any single person attending a wedding in Kerala gets asked is – “Kalyanakaryam enthayi?” Relatives and family members are always on the lookout for women and men who’re single. For some odd reason, they feel like they’re obliged to share marriage proposals to all the singles by being the kalyana brokers in the lot. They’re the one who screw lives.
There are many people who attend weddings only to gorge on the kalyana sadya. After all, who can resist mixing thoran, avial, parippu curry, sambar, koottu curry, rasam, pulissery, etc. with papadum and rice? In addition to that, the hot payasam that is served after the meal is what hoggers look forward to. The hoggers are hungry beings so if you see anyone drooling at the sight of sadyas, you know who they are.
The Groom’s ‘Single’ Best Friend
The women from the girl’s side are quite eager to check out ‘that hot guy’ from the guy’s side of the family. And it mostly ends up being the groom’s best friend. He’s usually the hottest bachelor in the crowd who holds a very powerful position as he’s the groom’s right-hand man. In other words, he’s the eye candy nobody can resist.
The Complaint Box
Let’s face it, there’s going to be one person who is either going to complain about how the sadya is bland or the decorations being lame. The complaint box in any Kalyalam has no better job than to pass negative remarks and sly comments to everyone he/she talks to. Yes, we all hate that person but have to bear with their snide remarks.
Who Dat Cousin?
There’s always a distant cousin who no one really knows except for the bride and groom’s parents. Though the cousin is aware of the family history, he/she is kind of like the loner in the crowd because no one knows him/her. Turns out, he/she is the groom’s father’s brother’s son’s daughter/son. Say what, now?
The Body Shamer
“Ayoo, thadi vechulo?”, “Bhakshanam kayikineele?”, “Mukathu nalla kuru undallo”, “Thadi kurchall, nalla bhangi undavum” – The snarky comments of the body shammer at the wedding is one everyone tries to avoid. Apart from slowly killing our self-esteem, these people go broadcasting it, which is the worst.
Karma is a bitch so let’s just leave it at that.
They are the ones who believe that all traditional customs must be followed by everyone present at the wedding. For instance, touching the feet of all the elderly people who go up on stage to take a picture. By chance, if the custom-inator finds out that patriarchal traditions aren’t being followed, their ego will burst into flames and curses will come flying at you.
Kalyanams are also a breeding ground for newly found relationships. Single women meet single men and manasil laddoos pottum. But the flirts do their job carefully because they wouldn’t want their parents to know about their shenanigans. “What’s their secret skill?”, we hear you ask. Sexy eye contact!
The Creepy Photographer
Yes, they do exist. Under the pretext of taking photos, they click pictures that should not have been taken in the first place. The creepy photographer is hard to be called out in public because they’re just doing their jobs, right?
The Selfie Maniac
But first, let’s take a selfie! The only dialogue you’ll hear the selfie manic say throughout the entire wedding. A scroll through their Instagram feed and you’ll seriously get tired of looking at their selfies they posted just minutes ago.
Do you know of more characters that you’ll find only at Kerala weddings? Let us know!